Agony & Ecstacy

Last evening at a going away dinner with 40 colleagues to celebrate the friendship and contribution to our international school of two wonderful friends, Ed & Carl Tennant, Ed mentioned that he recently visited this blog. Ugh; I thought: I have not updated that blog for almost a whole year! But Ed inspired me to keep writing. He said, "I enjoyed reading your blog and realize that even though we have known each other for 2 years I realize I did not know you very well" [referring to some of the reflections written here earlier.]

His gentle words triggered a few things: (1) reflective writing can be an intimate expression and open up rooms and vistas we did not know about each other; an opportunity to share and get to know each other. (2) A number of friends have found this blog and written or commented on it and it has been a way to maintain and establish contact (though Facebook is used for this purpose more often at this point in history.) (3) I have not taken the time to update this lately and need to do it! and (4) Ed & Carol's son is one of Kylie's best friends ... and along with Ed and Carol he'll be leaving for Canada ... permanently ... in about 15 days ;(...

As a TCK (third culture kid) myself, the poignancy of friends illuminating my life by coming into it and shattering my life by leaving it move me with deep grief to know the emotions Kylie is experiencing now. In fact, they are hanging out today and just stopped into the apartment to grab lunch (I think they made instant spicy noodles ; "La Myun" in Korean) and switched on the tube to catch a few minutes of soccer on TV. In a few minutes, whenever they or Bentley get stir crazy, we are going to the pool at GSIS to swim.

It is so painful to say goodbye to friends. Yet, unwillingness to open yourself to relationship and friendship seems to me a fate far worse. Still ... although I reflect on that hurt and the intellectual value of friendship I guess I often do bypass relational opportunities knowing this will later keep me from uncomfortable pain.

Several weeks ago in talking about the friendships our kids have, Beth pointed out to me that we - I!- am not a good model for how to make friends because I pour myself into work often at the expense of pouring myself into people. Kylie and Amy may not know how to be and become friends based on my modeling because they see so little positive modeling in that way. Wow ... that is sobering. If you are reading this, please pray for Kylie as she says goodbye to a precious friend on June 7, 2009. I hope their friendship turns out to be that of kindred spirits who will always be able to catch up over a cup of coffee or a soccer game regardless the months or years they are apart. Like so many TCKs regularly do. "Thank you God for the agony and the ecstacy of friendship."*

*Agony and the Ecstacy are acknowledged as a phrase borrowed from the title of the biography of Michelangelo by ? Stone [to demonstrate good practice to IB students of acknowledging references and sources. :)