A Year of Reverie

While sitting at my desk after school this past week, I felt awash in semi-cognizant thoughts. The sense was not disorientation, but rather a sort of mental impasse; a thinking holiday in which images came and went unbidden and without intention.

My didactic inclination made me ask myself the question: Why do am I so undirected; why do I feel so aimless in an environment that requires such a high degree of intentional energy?

As I feathered my mental clutch to engage my thinking gradually, some impressions became less opaque.

One realization was that motivation required having a goal. Goals are decision one makes about, partly, "where" one wants to be in the future and the present is considered in that light. Goals also provide a sense of "I need to do [some action] in order to be [at some new place or in some new way] at [some time in the future.]

Then, if I did not have a sense of direction or of moving toward some thing, then did that mean that I did not have any goals? It turns out: Yes. Hmmm...

Realizing one has no goals is either a state of ultimate nihilism or depression (actually that would produce some negative goals) or peace; maybe? That made me think (with intention! - with the goal of clarity and knowledge about my motivation or lack of motivation.)

What dawned on me was that I am very satisfied and at peace with my current state. Many of my long term goals are now being realized:
1) Working in a new culture personally (and with my family);
2) Giving my children a real, valid intercultural experience;
3) Being happily married;
4) Living with my own children;
5) Adopting a child from Ethiopia;
6) Working in a professional school where excellence is a stated and de facto goal and students are present to learn and parents believe in the value of education;
7) Learning a new language in a living context;
8) Making friends of individuals from my adopted country;
9) Having more than two nickels to rub together (three to be exact).

So this year has been busy, but it has also been a celebration. I have been emotionally relaxed (on average), enjoying the blessings of a generous God.

It has been a year of reverie.